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x_project2008-12-27 03:20 pm
deathpixie) wrote in x_project2008-12-27 03:20 pm
Entry tags:
An X-Force Christmas...
Written by [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] as a Christmas gift to the X-Force folks. Reposted with permission
'Twas the night before Christmas, Remy observed with a yawn,
Not a mutant was stirring, because the punch was all gone.
The empty bottles were stacked around the room without care,
Since X-Force's holiday needed liquor to bear.
The others were tucked away (mostly) in their own beds,
Or under tables, on couches; drunks sleep like the dead.
But the Cajun had stayed up to nurse a nightcap,
And consider a year that had made some of them snap.
They'd gotten back Amanda who'd been eaten by a city,
And found Mark alive, although he wasn't so pretty.
They'd stepped back in time, the Fifties weren't all that nice,
And traveled to India to put three mutants on ice.
Now at the party, they'd raised one less glass,
An empty seat at the table finally had come to pass.
Wisdom was gone, his chances looked slight
that he survived the wounds he earned in that fight.
So Remy topped up his glass and stared out at the sky
Avoiding the thoughts, the questions of why?
His black mood was interrupted, sure that he was alone
by the sound of a thief breaking into the brownstone.
Remy grinned as he spoke; "Someone wit' a big death wish",
And slipped out with a knife to see who was so foolish.
Silent as a ghost, he snuck towards the sound,
just in time to watch a fat man crash to the ground.
He was dressed in all red, had a bag full of toys,
And Remy wondered if he could be one of Wanda's boys.
The fat man found his feet, with a curse and he said;
"Merry Christm--" was cut off by the blade at his head.
"Bad choice to burgle." Remy said with a hiss.
"See dis blade, homme? Remy just never miss.
Now you got two seconds to say why you here,
or my X-Mas present be Remy getting an ear."
The fat man swallowed, and forced a tight grin.
"It's Christmas Eve, Remy. You should cut back on the gin.
Who else comes now in your homes, with a gift and a toy?
Why, good old St. Nick, spreading holiday joy!"
The blade pressed closer, the Cajun just not impressed.
"Thief is a thief, no matter how weird dat you dressed.
Been Santa's all over, even bums dressed in red,
and none of dem real, maybe one almost dead."
"You don't believe me, but I can prove I'm myself!
I'm the real Santa, Christmas' jolly old elf!
Just reach in my bag, and see what I brought.
If you don't trust me after, you can do what you ought."
Remy was suspicious as he tilted out the sack,
and gifts spilled out, true to the word of the hack.
On each had the names of his friends and his team,
a security nightmare or an impossible dream.
Santa Claus wasn't real, the possibility insane,
but he withdrew the knife and let him explain.
"It's hard to believe, I know, but I'm here,
And you and your X-Force made my list for this year.
"I brought a saddle for Emma, hand tooled in leather,
And a case of this Scotchguard, she'll want it all weather.
For Mark he gets music, pop girls and pop boys,
And a case wrapped in brown paper the elves swear are 'just toys'.
"Marie-Ange and blonde Doug deserved a multiple gift,
this box full of protection that's better used when off shift.
Illyana is queen of the demons," he said with a wink,
"And because I like danger her gift is predominantly pink.
"Jubilee must be tiring, her mouth runs day and night,
so here's a trendy choker that you can pull appropriately tight.
And for Sofia with her father I tried to provide aid,
but that didn't work so I suggest getting her laid.
"Betsy is so pretty, with those unique purple eyes,
I brought her a warning; 'his words are certainly lies.'
And you're going to add Morgan next year with some luck,
so here's a gift for her welcome; an inflatable Canuck.
"And Sarah; so bony, so spiky, so pretty,
A vacation for her far away from the city.
Wanda doesn't need a break but she does need a drink,
With enough booze inside her I might have a shot, d'ya think?
"For big Lucas Bishop, he gets a word to the wiser,
You shouldn't fuck the wife of a jealous mecha driver.
And to poor little Amanda, her eyes turned so red,
I've brought her a whisper 'Psst, Pete's not really dead.'
"My gift to you, Remy, is that next year I'll knock,
And a little bit extra, that sound's 'Ro's key in the lock."
He gave him a smile, the dirty old man
And went out through the window and down to a parked van.
Obviously even he had to move with the times,
parking reindeers on Fifth st earned just too many fines.
Remy heard him exclaim, and he closed the side door,
"Happy Christmas to X-Force, and another year more."
Happy Holidays, you bastards...
'Twas the night before Christmas, Remy observed with a yawn,
Not a mutant was stirring, because the punch was all gone.
The empty bottles were stacked around the room without care,
Since X-Force's holiday needed liquor to bear.
The others were tucked away (mostly) in their own beds,
Or under tables, on couches; drunks sleep like the dead.
But the Cajun had stayed up to nurse a nightcap,
And consider a year that had made some of them snap.
They'd gotten back Amanda who'd been eaten by a city,
And found Mark alive, although he wasn't so pretty.
They'd stepped back in time, the Fifties weren't all that nice,
And traveled to India to put three mutants on ice.
Now at the party, they'd raised one less glass,
An empty seat at the table finally had come to pass.
Wisdom was gone, his chances looked slight
that he survived the wounds he earned in that fight.
So Remy topped up his glass and stared out at the sky
Avoiding the thoughts, the questions of why?
His black mood was interrupted, sure that he was alone
by the sound of a thief breaking into the brownstone.
Remy grinned as he spoke; "Someone wit' a big death wish",
And slipped out with a knife to see who was so foolish.
Silent as a ghost, he snuck towards the sound,
just in time to watch a fat man crash to the ground.
He was dressed in all red, had a bag full of toys,
And Remy wondered if he could be one of Wanda's boys.
The fat man found his feet, with a curse and he said;
"Merry Christm--" was cut off by the blade at his head.
"Bad choice to burgle." Remy said with a hiss.
"See dis blade, homme? Remy just never miss.
Now you got two seconds to say why you here,
or my X-Mas present be Remy getting an ear."
The fat man swallowed, and forced a tight grin.
"It's Christmas Eve, Remy. You should cut back on the gin.
Who else comes now in your homes, with a gift and a toy?
Why, good old St. Nick, spreading holiday joy!"
The blade pressed closer, the Cajun just not impressed.
"Thief is a thief, no matter how weird dat you dressed.
Been Santa's all over, even bums dressed in red,
and none of dem real, maybe one almost dead."
"You don't believe me, but I can prove I'm myself!
I'm the real Santa, Christmas' jolly old elf!
Just reach in my bag, and see what I brought.
If you don't trust me after, you can do what you ought."
Remy was suspicious as he tilted out the sack,
and gifts spilled out, true to the word of the hack.
On each had the names of his friends and his team,
a security nightmare or an impossible dream.
Santa Claus wasn't real, the possibility insane,
but he withdrew the knife and let him explain.
"It's hard to believe, I know, but I'm here,
And you and your X-Force made my list for this year.
"I brought a saddle for Emma, hand tooled in leather,
And a case of this Scotchguard, she'll want it all weather.
For Mark he gets music, pop girls and pop boys,
And a case wrapped in brown paper the elves swear are 'just toys'.
"Marie-Ange and blonde Doug deserved a multiple gift,
this box full of protection that's better used when off shift.
Illyana is queen of the demons," he said with a wink,
"And because I like danger her gift is predominantly pink.
"Jubilee must be tiring, her mouth runs day and night,
so here's a trendy choker that you can pull appropriately tight.
And for Sofia with her father I tried to provide aid,
but that didn't work so I suggest getting her laid.
"Betsy is so pretty, with those unique purple eyes,
I brought her a warning; 'his words are certainly lies.'
And you're going to add Morgan next year with some luck,
so here's a gift for her welcome; an inflatable Canuck.
"And Sarah; so bony, so spiky, so pretty,
A vacation for her far away from the city.
Wanda doesn't need a break but she does need a drink,
With enough booze inside her I might have a shot, d'ya think?
"For big Lucas Bishop, he gets a word to the wiser,
You shouldn't fuck the wife of a jealous mecha driver.
And to poor little Amanda, her eyes turned so red,
I've brought her a whisper 'Psst, Pete's not really dead.'
"My gift to you, Remy, is that next year I'll knock,
And a little bit extra, that sound's 'Ro's key in the lock."
He gave him a smile, the dirty old man
And went out through the window and down to a parked van.
Obviously even he had to move with the times,
parking reindeers on Fifth st earned just too many fines.
Remy heard him exclaim, and he closed the side door,
"Happy Christmas to X-Force, and another year more."
Happy Holidays, you bastards...
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no subject
Decided it was too hilarious not to reference. Besides, it dovetails nicely with some stuff I've got in the works for Doug and the aftermath of Day Zero. :D