A drabble of sorts

[azzinita.livejournal.com]

Sil and I got really bored and wrote a fic of sorts. What does a normal lunchtime conversation at Xavier's consist of?



"Okay, so, weirdest mutant power ever. Go!"

"The ability to make people spontanouesly orgasm."

"Oooh, that's a good one."

"Can you see the X-Men up against that?"

"Hell, Magneto."

"What would this person's codename be? The human vibrator?"

"No, that's Julio."

"*choke*"

"Orgasmo!"

"How about, the power to turn everyone purple in a 1-mile radius just by having sex?"

"Marius is never allowed to have this power. We would be permanently purple."

"Why are all the weird powers about sex?"

"We're teenagers. It's on the brain."

"Wait, I want to go back to this human vibrator idea. Angel, is that true?"

"*catches on fire*"

"Never went past first base, man, keep it clean."

"Yeah but you wouldn't have to touch her with your power. It could be first base and home plate at the same time..."

"Oh god, please stop talking!"

"What are the base systems again? I forget."

"French, Feel, Finger, Fuck. It's like you skipped third grade."

"So technically..."

"FIRST BASE!"

"Can we stop talking now please?"

"Betcha there's a mutant who can have sex with himself."

"That's all males."

"Okay, a mutant who can literally have sex with himself."

"Eeeeeew."

"Another on the list of mutantions Marius is never allowed to have."

"I don't know, then we wouldn't have to find him new victims."

"Oi, I'll have you know I've been behavin' myself."

"Yes, the risk of STD transmission is only at terror level orange."

"Jamie could have had sex with himself."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Too much?"

"Yeah."

"Moving on."

"Oh, hey look, topic shift."

"I mean, he could have had an orgy if he really wanted to.."

"MOVING ON!"

"Do you think Kitty...."

"MOVING! ON!"

"What's a strange mutant power that does NOT relate to sex?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Good lord, people."

"Um...changing the wall color?"

"That's not weird. That's boring."

"Not if they could change the wall color by having sex."

"It's an interior decorator with a personal touch!"

"And it would change depending on what position and everything."

"What do you mean, positions?"

"Angel honey, we might need to have another talk."

"I wonder if it would make a difference if it was het or not. Like, gay sex would make it FABULOUS."

"There is something wrong with your brain."

"Would lesbian sex result in earthy tones then?"

"I want a gay sex colored wall. I bet there will be glitter."

"Depends on the kind of lesbians. Lipstick lesbians would be really contemporary."

"I think we lost the boys..."

"I'm sorry, but can you describe the lesbian rooms again? Slowly? --Hey OW!"

"That's for being crude."

"You were the one who brought up Kitty and Jamie and the orgy!"

"MOVING ON DAMMIT!"

"What about a precog who only sees the future while orgasming?"

"Marius would get his future read every single day."

"'What's your future Marius?' 'I am going to have sex tomorrow'"

"Best. Fortune. Ever."

"Okay, so about the lesbian sex room."

"We've moved on."

"I know, I'm bringing it back. As hard as I can."

"Speaking of people who need to go have sex with themselves, do you need to go be alone?"

"He's going to have a surprise orgasm at this rate."

"Eeeeeew."

"What? Not NOW."

"EEEEEW."

"Oh, like you don't!"

"Not at the lunch table!"

"Moving on, new power!"

"The ability to make Dr. Voght orgasm."

"....Dude."

"Not possible. It's just not. She's not even really a person!"

"The person who would be able to get her to orgasm would be some sort of sex God."

"Don't look at me, I'm only a mere mortal."

"Oh, like you haven't tried to get into her pants."

"Alas, she is colder than a river in Siberia."

"Maybe she's a lesbian who needs redecorating."

"Shut up about the lesbians already! You're turning Karolina mauve!"

"So, if she were to have sex then her room color woul--OW, not the face!"

"New power?"

"Totally."

"Okay, okay, the ability when you orgasm during sex, to make everyone else within a one-mile radius have an orgasm as well."

"Marius so needs this power."

"You people are exhaustin' me."

"If we got all these together, Marius could absorb them and then we'd have purple orgasming people in a fabulously decorated house."

"Again, I become exhausted at the thought."

"It is for science!"

"It's for Justice! We have to save the world. We deserve pretty houses."

"And purple orgasms!"

"What DOES an orgasm feel like anyway?"

"Uhhhhhh."

"Oi, don't look at me. I'm already exhausted."

"They're kinda like a sneeze, only, you know, not..."

"Jen, you must really love colds then."

"Oh, shut up."

"So it's like a sneeze? But a fun sneeze?"

"There's a great power, every time you sneeze you orgasm."

"That's not a power, my aunt does that."

"Eeeeew."

"That would be really distracting. Jennie could you do that during a mission if we were chasing someone?"

"Surprise orgasms for Justice?"

"....You know what? I really might be able to. I'm not sure if that would be a chaos or a luck thing."

"I double-dare you to try that during a DR run."

"On who?"

"Um. Who would it not be weird for?"

"...Logan?"

"AUGH! Why did you have to make me think of Logan orgasms? Never clean again."

"Wow, I am never going to be hungry again."

"New topic, PLEASE."

"Just do it on Marius. He won't care."

"--Don't say it, not a word."

"All I was going to relate is how our sexless union might finally find some measure of peace."

"That's it, every DR session, I'll have a headache."

"Curses."

"I thought orgasms were supposed to help headaches."

"You don't know what the bases are but you know that?"

"I knew it, I justed want to hear you say it."

"*sigh* I hate you, so much."

"Look it's another topic. Hello new topic."

Comments

[x-juggernaut.livejournal.com]

Well, everyone's gotta learn sometime, and better from your friends than your parents.

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

Or from watching your parents in the movies. :/

[avariel-wings.livejournal.com]

I got the official talk from the babysitter when I was nine. I picked up the rest from teen magazines.

[persephone-kore.livejournal.com]

My mom gave me a short version -- I think that was specifically about menstruation -- and a book, with further discussion later as needed.

This wasn't out of embarrassment or anything. I think she and Dad just figured the best way to get me to learn anything was to give me a book. *g*