Rules of Engagement

[nute.livejournal.com]

We often hear the rule that "The X-Men don't kill". But have you ever wondered what other standing orders the team has?

From the home office here in Westchester, we've looked over a few of the mission reports, and compiled the following list (posted in the X-Men locker room).

X-Men standing rules of engagement

• #1 - Your teammates are your allies, not competitors. Trying to one-up your teammates in a conflict never ends well.
  
• #2 - X-Men are discouraged from stenciling silhouettes on their leathers to count number of Brotherhood members defeated. This means you, Kyle.
  
• #3 - The Danger Room is not a toy. It is also not a disco, racetrack, soccer pitch, or "love hotel".
  
• #4 - Sticking magnets to Logan is discouraged.
  
• #5 - Medical supplies are to be used for medical purposes only, Marius.
  
• #6 - If you are guilty of #4, do not bother with #5. You asked for it.
  
• #7 - The pattern is full, Ghost Rider, and you may not do a fly-by.
  
• #8 - No racing commercial airliners in the Blackbird
  
• #9 - No racing commercial airliners WITHOUT the Blackbird
  
• #10 - Sonic powers are not to be used for catcalls.
  
• #11 - No you may not play Protest the Foreign Infidels.
  
• #12 - Despite what old mission reports from Jetstream may say, Storm is NOT a Foreign Infidel.
  
• #13 - "Ninjas can't catch you if you're on fire" is not a valid tactical response, Kyle.
  
• #14 - Magneto is not vulnerable to the Power of Rock. Unless it is a very heavy rock.
  
• #15 - "Because there might be dinosaurs" is not precedent to outfit the Blackbird with a heavy machine gun, Forge.
  
• #16 - Should you encounter a family member while on a mission, remember the prevailing trend towards Evil before sharing mission parameters with them.
  
• #17 - Monet and Marius, you are exempted from #16.
  
• #18 - On second thought, rule #17 is under review.
  
• #19 - We are not "your friendly neighborhood" anything, and should refrain from leaving handwritten notes to that effect. Stay on message, people.
  
• #20 - Invulnerability still means you need to look both ways before crossing the street. If only to set an example.
  
• #21 - Please remember that shouting out what you are doing before attacking puts you at a tactical disadvantage. "Magical Pretty Sailor Princess" is not a training video. No one on this team has a "Star Gentle Uterus" attack.
  
• #22 - Trainee names must possess at least one vowel.
  
• #23 - "Nuke the site from orbit" is not a valid tactical strategy. Even when talking about Wakanda. Someone will come back from there uninjured. Someday. In theory.
  
• #24 - When communicating telepathically, the Professor prefers to be addressed as "Professor", or if you must be familiar, "Charles". "Big Poppa" is right out.
  
• #25 - Any plan that involves selling one of your teammates to a foreign national should be approved by one of the team leaders first.
  

(Additional "discovered" rules may pop up in comments)

Comments

[dexfarkin.livejournal.com]

"De actual term dat Remy used was 'love grotto'."

[resplendissante.livejournal.com]

oh my god, this is the greatest thing ever.

write one for xf! doooo iiittt.

[resplendissante.livejournal.com]

ps. "No one on this team has a "Star Gentle Uterus" attack." ahahahahahaha, win.

[diamond-dust06.livejournal.com]

I bet someone has modified their uniform to look like the Sailor Starlights', though.

[resplendissante.livejournal.com]

#72. X-Men are not allowed to fight in leather bikinis and hooker boots.
#73. This means you, Marius and Monet.

[diamond-dust06.livejournal.com]

I think you mean:

#73. Monet and Marius, you are exempted from #72.

[resplendissante.livejournal.com]

ahahaha. Clearly, that is what I meant. Additionally:

#97. No X-Man will go on official duty wearing a Sailor Moon costume.
#98. Jennie Stavros is exempted from that rule.
#99. Only X-Men COs are allowed to write new rules from now on.

[azzinita.livejournal.com]

#112. Content of lockers belongs only to the team member assigned
#113. That means, breaking into a team member's locker and replacing her uniform with a bikini and hooker boots is not permissible
#114. Especially if that locker belongs to Jennie Stavros
#114. addendum: if she sends you to the medical bay it's your own damn fault.

[maureenans.livejournal.com]

And Clarice. she did it once. on a mission no less.

[maureenans.livejournal.com]

Clarice tried. it wasn't allowed.

[deathpixie]

Joining in the XF request. *grins* I needs me my funnies today, work's going to be busy.

[indiana-j.livejournal.com]

#13 - "Ninjas can't catch you if you're on fire" is not a valid tactical response, Kyle.

#13a - When this is presented as such, Angel, remember it is NOT A VALID TACTICAL RESPONSE.

and

#26. Please refrain from calling the telepath controlling the telepathic switchboard the "All Seeing Eyeball" or "Sauron".

[resplendissante.livejournal.com]

#152. Nathan's codename is not Humpty Dumpty.
#153. Moira will cut you, bitches.

[seraangel.livejournal.com]

Rule #200. While dropping an invunerable team-mate from a great height can sometimes be used to tactical advantage. 'Getting through the drive through at McDonalds faster' is not a good excuse for it.